You know you're sheltered if...

• you think Brittany Spears is a type of weapon
• you know more about the Panama general elections than the Olympics
• one of your favorite pastimes is contacting businesses to inform them of the bad grammar in their mailed advertisements
• you think elastic-waist jeans are ‘in’
• you write all of your papers in four colors ‘just for entertainment’
• when you see a person decked out in rainbow attire you think, “ A Christian!”
• you associate the word, ‘mall’ with ‘hell’
• you are scandalized every time someone reaches onto a high shelf and you see their naval
• you write letters to your computer
• the only piece of jewelry you own is your ID bracelet
• you’re not allowed to change your hamster’s cage because your parents don’t want you to read the used newspaper
• you read the ingredients on the shampoo bottle during your shower
• there are no magnifying glasses in your house for fear of accidentally starting a fire
• your favorite pencil is a soft tip 1488-2 although when you’re feeling rebellious you’ll use a 1388-2
• the ‘interesting’ words are cut out of your dictionaries
• the low R-value of your house is a great annoyance to you (okay, that’s me but I’m not this sheltered!)
• you could only watch G movies until you were 13 then you graduated to PG
• you name your plants
• you’re not allowed to watch ‘Teletubbies’ because they talked about rabbit droppings
• you smile and wave at ALL men, thinking that one day they might remember you and help change a flat tire
• it is considered a big deal in your family to buy a bottle of carbonated water
• your heartthrob is Owen Chamberlain, due to his advances in physics, no matter that he’s 93
• you eagerly await the future chapters of your history book, just like the next installment in a ‘who-done-it’
• when you hear about radical feminists you immediately think about algebra
• you choose paint color names based upon what you’re studying in geology
• you read the phone book for fun (again, I seriously am not this sheltered! i.e. no naming plants)
• you have a page-a-day calendar of pocket protectors
• your internet protection safety light is so bright you can’t look at it
• your summer tan is limited to your calves and forearms
• you are appalled when you see men’s chest hair
• you keep your bookcases sorted by the Dewey decimal system-no card, no service!
• you think having a favorite number is superstitious
• you bring a thesaurus to read while standing in the check-out line so you don’t glance at the tabloid covers
• you’re afraid of the school-bus
• you see a resemblance to a human in your toothbrush
• you place the word ‘crap’ on the same level as real swear words
• you think talking to boys is a sin and should be avoided at all costs
• you think dyed hair is scandalous
• you feel sorry for people with more than two piercings, knowing them to be dysfunctional and druggies

Thanks, guys. You really validate my existance. ;) Read and enjoy! Let me know if you have any other suggestions, I just come up with these when I get bored...