Sunday, September 9, 2007

You know you're sheltered if...

• you think Brittany Spears is a type of weapon
• you know more about the Panama general elections than the Olympics
• one of your favorite pastimes is contacting businesses to inform them of the bad grammar in their mailed advertisements
• you think elastic-waist jeans are ‘in’
• you write all of your papers in four colors ‘just for entertainment’
• when you see a person decked out in rainbow attire you think, “ A Christian!”
• you associate the word, ‘mall’ with ‘hell’
• you are scandalized every time someone reaches onto a high shelf and you see their naval
• you write letters to your computer
• the only piece of jewelry you own is your ID bracelet
• you’re not allowed to change your hamster’s cage because your parents don’t want you to read the used newspaper
• you read the ingredients on the shampoo bottle during your shower
• there are no magnifying glasses in your house for fear of accidentally starting a fire
• your favorite pencil is a soft tip 1488-2 although when you’re feeling rebellious you’ll use a 1388-2
• the ‘interesting’ words are cut out of your dictionaries
• the low R-value of your house is a great annoyance to you (okay, that’s me but I’m not this sheltered!)
• you could only watch G movies until you were 13 then you graduated to PG
• you name your plants
• you’re not allowed to watch ‘Teletubbies’ because they talked about rabbit droppings
• you smile and wave at ALL men, thinking that one day they might remember you and help change a flat tire
• it is considered a big deal in your family to buy a bottle of carbonated water
• your heartthrob is Owen Chamberlain, due to his advances in physics, no matter that he’s 93
• you eagerly await the future chapters of your history book, just like the next installment in a ‘who-done-it’
• when you hear about radical feminists you immediately think about algebra
• you choose paint color names based upon what you’re studying in geology
• you read the phone book for fun (again, I seriously am not this sheltered! i.e. no naming plants)
• you have a page-a-day calendar of pocket protectors
• your internet protection safety light is so bright you can’t look at it
• your summer tan is limited to your calves and forearms
• you are appalled when you see men’s chest hair
• you keep your bookcases sorted by the Dewey decimal system-no card, no service!
• you think having a favorite number is superstitious
• you bring a thesaurus to read while standing in the check-out line so you don’t glance at the tabloid covers
• you’re afraid of the school-bus
• you see a resemblance to a human in your toothbrush
• you place the word ‘crap’ on the same level as real swear words
• you think talking to boys is a sin and should be avoided at all costs
• you think dyed hair is scandalous
• you feel sorry for people with more than two piercings, knowing them to be dysfunctional and druggies

Thanks, guys. You really validate my existance. ;) Read and enjoy! Let me know if you have any other suggestions, I just come up with these when I get bored...


Erin said...

:D :D :D
I like it!

Sheila said...

umm, you know michelle's sheltered when she can't even spell britney spears right! it spells presbiteryans.
this guy in my whap class is an actor. kid you not. pretty funky stuff. oh, the things you miss being homeschooled...
i love you, michelle.

Sheila said...

woops, that's presbyterians. silly, sleep deprived sheila.
ggsdthi is pretty great word verification.
oh, dad got a letter from lowe's today to robin bgrmtsft. our favorite ever.

Anonymous said...

i didn't acctually read the whole thing but i like the first one.....hehe i totally do.

i haven't commented on this blog forever.

Emma said...

What the heck! I commented on here the other night, why didn't it show up?!? I think all I said was that I was glad you put that up, Michelle.

847 wishes said...

amen grace, and one of these days I'm going to kill you with a brittney spears. ;) haha! JK

Anonymous said...

Peachy, I think you mean 'a britney spear.'

Although I don't place crap on the same level as a swear word, I still prefer not to use it. I've got my reasons.