Why I Do The Things I Do

It is 11:07 pm, and if you know anything about me, you know I usually don't stay up past 9pm. For a very good reason.

However, good reasons be damned, I am up, and I have decided to pour forth my life blood. I am sick of people making fun of me for going to bed when I do, explaining my job for the hundredth time, or just generally being perceived as an outsider, or a little off.

First of all, I do everything that I do for love of God. If I didn't believe 110% in God and his infinite love and wisdom, I'd be out trying to cheat the system, getting rich doing so, and finding a hot guy to hook up with. I know sometimes it seems like I am the way I am because that is how I was raised, and to a certain extent that is true, but I have reached an age where I make conscious decisions to live the way I do now, not merely follow in the ruts my upbringing has provided me.

When I was 14 or 15 or so, I decided one day to map out the rest of my life. I decided to figure out what I wanted to do and how I was going to get there. Well, I love God and want to spend my life serving him and by doing so gain Heaven. The first question in the Baltimore Catechism is: What does one need to do to gain Heaven? And the answer: To know, love, and serve God in this life and the next. So, being the black-and-white thinker I am, I decided to figure out how to know, love, and serve God. I could know God (or at least grow in knowledge, because one can never fully know God) by refining my spiritual life, which I may talk about more later. I realized that one can love God purely only when one first knows God and second serves God. I then sought to determine how I might serve God. The Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy came to mind, so I pondered them all and tried to decide how I might best fulfill them all, or at least as many as possible.

At about the same time I had also decided to pursue a career, from a purely secular standpoint, fixing something I had the hardest time dealing with myself. At the time, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't deal with physical pain, so a career in healthcare was the logical next step. Since my grandfather was a trauma surgeon and my mother spent 23 years in the UW Surgery Department, I realized doctors, specifically surgeons, were insane and I would die rather than complete residency. That left nursing.

As I was contemplating the Corporal Works of Mercy, I realized the one profession that could fulfill the most of them was healthcare and per my other line of reasoning, I now had two lines of logic converging on nursing. Since nursing is also lucrative and boasts inherent job security, especially with the Baby Boomers growing older every year, I decided upon it as a career.

I then mapped out how I would achieve my goal, which included running start, extensive volunteer work, the UW and eventually becoming a nurse practitioner specializing in adult rural practice. Each of these details was worked out following a similar chain of logic, which I will not digress into because I'm quite sure no one cares.

The point to these ramblings is this: I do everything I do because I love God and I want to serve God in order to foster a love of God. I have stayed with my AmeriCorps position getting paid close to nothing working harder than people getting paid 2.5x my 'living stipend' giving up the typical 19 year-old lifestyle because I love God and I honestly feel deeply, and with all my heart, that this is what I am being called to do.

I know it is atypical for a teenager to feel a deep, spiritual connection with social work involving helping a man with cerebral palsy eat, or helping a man with a tbi perform basic acts of hygiene, or being a shoulder for people four times my age to cry on, or counseling the developmentally disabled, or working on an intimate level with my elders, except I am the person of authority. It is a strange, very strange feeling, because almost all the clients I work with could be either my parents or grandparents (or in one case great grand-parents) but this is what I am feeling called to do. And if my work with these people means going to bed at 9pm so I have energy to function during the day, or forgoing parties because I don't have the energy, or growing weary of friends gushing about their superfluous boy craze when I feel miles beyond anything even remotely similar because I know people who have cheated death, then so be it.

I love my friends, I really do, but I really don't think they realize just how strongly I feel I am being called to this radical life of service. How I want to spend a year after college in Calcutta, India, working along side Mother Teresa's Sisters of Charity serving the poorest of the poor. How I feel a deep, firm connection with people whom society has forgotten about, or never even knew. How lately I feel more at home with these vulnerable adults than regular adults because they are filled with an appreciation for life, inspire me each and every day, and lack the bull shit that people with no real problems spout. It's great that my friends are doing artsy things, or partying, or doing normal things, because it's good to be normal. And sometimes I wish I did normal things. But I grew up homeschooled, so I never really figured out what being normal is all about. Point being: it's fucking late, and I really wanted to get that out. Do not chide me or make fun of me for my strange habits or forfeit of social occasions. I completely understand that you may not, and probably do not, understand my drive. I don't expect you to, I just expect you to respect my decisions and not give me shit for being different and sometimes not caring about the same things you do.

Anyway, this is kind of a weird post, so sorry for being one of those people who vomit their personal feelings all over the internet, but I just wanted to get that out there.

Bucket List

I made one about 2 years ago but I lost it so here's the new and improved version incapable of being lost:

Bucket List circa 2011

• Take fencing lessons
• Tap dancing
• Learn how to drive a stick (completed!)
• Drive a super car
• Kiss in the rain
• Bake a cheesecake (completed!)
• Bake the perfect pie
• Go paintballing
• Go backpacking
• See a bear (completed!)
• Visit the East Coast
• Visit New York
• Visit South America
• Mosh pit
• Write a memoir
• Get a college degree
• Go to a sporting event
• Go snorkeling (somewhere tropical)
  
• Push myself (skydiving, bungee jumping, or a roller coaster)
• Go polar dipping on New Years
• Go skinny dipping
• Get in a whipped cream fight
• Eat rabbit
• Run a 5k
• Run a marathon without removing my spleen
• Watch a horror movie
  

I'm sure it will grow and change as I grow and change and I'm sure I'll think of more as soon as I publish this post, but this is what I could think of right now. It's a good start.

Life and Other Oddities

I realize I maybe give the impression that I no longer use this blog. This is incorrect. Like any child of the 21st century, I feel obligated to maintain, at least sporadically, each social media outlet I have begun. Consider this, then, my sporadic update.

I have been part of AmeriCorps now for close to 3.5 months. It has been an interesting experience thus far, although being an Individual Placement (IP) member has drawbacks. Exhibit A - networking activities for 20-somethings planned by 50-somethings. Think crosswords about AmeriCorps history and Karaoke and you'd be about on target. I did the crossword for lack of anything more substantive or pertinent to do and avoided the Karaoke like the plague. I also learned Yakima has the 6th highest automotive crash fatality rate in the nation - down from 3rd highest last year! What improvement!
My AmeriCorps presence at my actual service site has been much less...unproductive. In all honesty, I absolutely love my job. We provide nursing and rehabilitation services and social programs to vulnerable adults through adult day health. It is one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done and, as the baby boomers age, it is an area of expertise that will only come in more handy as time goes on.
My age, though, is the one thing that I felt surprisingly tender about and I have only recently began to be more comfortable with it in this setting. First of all - all of our clients are at least 30, with the average age being 74 (or is it 76?) Then, all of my co-workers are far, far older than I. The closest co-worker just turned 23 but even she has already gone to college and is probably going to be getting married next year. I feel very misfit at times, which is why I avoided telling anyone my age for a few months. Gradually, however, it leaked out and I had to endure people gasping and saying, "I had no idea! You act SO much older."
I'm getting used to that now, I think, so I just shrug it off, laugh at their surprise, or make a joke about it. Still, it is awkward when my co-workers talking about their kids in front of me and I realize that they are my age and the encounter begins to feel very much like I'm talking to my mother's friends. c'est la vie.
But enough about work! It takes up enough of my time as it is. Besides work, I am now judging high school debate - a position I happen to like very much. I also had a brief stint in the UW-Bothell's Ultimate team and will be playing mixed winter league which I am very much looking forward to. (I ended my sentence with a preposition. Sue me.) I am also a lector and EM at Church and play the piano, cook, etc. This is starting to feel like a mini bio. Which it is not.

Well, I think Louie is finally awake. Time to rot our brains out playing WiiSports. Viva the Weekend!!

Ave Maria

I recently stumbled upon an Ave Maria arrangement for cell by Caccini. It is simply beautiful and is probably now my all-time favorite arrangement.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjwnWWNNeFg

Along with the theme of hymns, O God Beyond All Praising is one of my favorite hymns and although the recording isn't as good as it could be, I love this video of the choir at St. Peter's Basilica in Rome singing it. Their organ is so freaking awesome and it makes me want to visit the Vatican even more. Someday...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWzqVhPLF8o


Well I was going to expand this post a little with updates about my job but I have to go peel garlic.

Summer 2010: Recap and Reflection

I guess my summer is nearly complete. I begin working at my new job full-time on September 1st. On the one hand, I'm really really excited about what I get to do and about finally start working in healthcare but on the other hand I'm a little apprehensive about jumping straight into my first full-time job. We don't even get Labor Day off!
To prepare for this momentous life-changing occasion I have finally gotten a car. It's a 90 Acura Integra LS (which means it has a souped up engine and racing seats) and I'm getting to be pretty proficient in driving my car (which happens to be manual.) No definite names yet, but I'm entertaining suggestions. It is by no means an amazing car but it is a pretty sweet deal for a first car.

Working backward, my time in Yosemite with Sheila & co. was amazingly fun. I became exceedingly attached to this little orange kitten at a party Sheila and I went to on Saturday night (and have since gone into orange kitten mourning) and even went so far as to contemplate sneaking it home. I also enjoyed Tracy, Veronica Mars, Wii Just Dance, Taio Cruz, Yosemite Falls, "ELMER!!!", The bear, trading diaries, The Best Ice Cream Cone I Have Ever Had in My Entire Life, Yosemite busses, "This could have been a better idea," In-n-Out, Sheila singing me lullabies on the long car ride home, Hot Tub Time Machine, and Ozzie.
I didn't enjoy car troubles, mosquitos, dirty pools, the almost-perfection of my sundress, not getting to meet Andrew and go to Idyllwild. But all in all it was a great trip.

Ultimate Frisbee season is also officially over. We had our final playoff on Thursday against the Pan Galactic Groovesquad. Despite missing 4 of our best players we still finished a spirited 9-15. Not great, but we played hard. It was a frustrating end to the season - we finished in 2nd place, the Groovesquads were poor sports, I wasn't on my game, but I still had a blast playing summer ultimate. Afterward a few of the UW guys, Luke, Alexander, Louie, Grace, and I stayed on and played fliers up for probably another two hours until the lights went off. We then got Dick's and that was a really fun after party. I'm definitely going to play summer league again next year if Spencer puts it together and I'm also going to look into UW women's (which I definitely wouldn't make A team since they're took 9th at 2010 nationals) and also UW coed because they need more girls (and also frisbee guys are hot.)

As far as movies and stuff to review, I honestly don't think anyone reads them/cares (I only occasionally reference them for future choices) and I'm feeling slightly sorry for myself because my entire family ditched me at home to go do other stuff so I'm just going to end here.

I plan on making the most of my last week of summer and you should too!